🏆 I Feel like…
Read time: 9 min
October 26, 2020
“A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son brings grief to his mother.”
NEXT LEVEL: Keep your success going
Stop Using “I Feel Like” in Convos
“I feel like” is one of the most commonly used “I” statements, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good one. Even worse is when people use “I feel” instead of, “I think.”
Let’s break this down:
- “I think” means that you are expressing an opinion for which you think there are rational grounds.
- “I feel” doesn’t have anything to do with opinions as you don’t feel opinions. “I feel” is about senses, emotions, or intuitions.
- “I believe” involves a great deal of rational thought with the acknowledgment that your position cannot strictly be reduced to logic.
- Feelings are important, but they’re not the same things as thoughts. And 9 times out of 10, “I feel” is a passive way to say, “I think.”
Problems with conflating “feel” with “think”:
- Inaccuracy. By confusing our thinking with feeling, we impair our ability to reason clearly.
- Lower intellectual humility, or the ability to change our minds when it’s smart to do so. When we say, “I feel,” our egos get involved; what we feel is personal. It makes it harder to let go of whatever we expressed. Saying “I think that”—or even better, “I currently think” or “My hypothesis is”—sets us up to update our thinking in light of new information with much less psychological resistance.
- Stops arguments and debates. “I feel” masquerades as a humble invitation to share your feelings. We express what we think with “feel” because it’s harder to argue against what someone feels. It limits full engagement in the conversation because people won’t want to disagree. But using this strategy means that your argument can’t stand on its own.
ACHIEVERS’ ARMORY: Equip yourself with proven tools & tactics
Essential Business Etiquette Online Course
Unlike school, where progressing forward is almost a guarantee, the corporate world requires another layer of knowledge. They call this business etiquette, and for many, it is the difference between staying mediocre and achieving massive success.
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This course was created for all types of professionals, including recent graduates, rising executives, job seekers, and new entrepreneurs. Many professionals can achieve some level of success without learning these skills. However, they cannot move forward towards their goals because they lack an education in the fundamentals of proper business etiquette.
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SELF-DISCOVERY: Unleash the Achiever within
The Problems of People-Pleasing
For some people, people-pleasing comes naturally. Others have learned people-pleasing for its immediate payoffs and increased popularity effects. The downside is that you might also be saying no to yourself every time you say yes to someone or something. And that’s why it’s so important to set boundaries.
Without boundaries, you can drift away from your values and goals, ignore your deepest ambitions, and forget who you are and what you want. Once you people-please, you become known as a people-pleaser and will never stop people-pleasing. You’ll attract people whose needs can’t be satisfied, and you’ll be taken advantage of by people who really should be dealing with their own problems and situations.
Clearly defined and respected boundaries allow you and those around you to know where you stand and to move forward with mutual respect.
You need to decide which things you will do for which people and under what circumstances.
Saying no will inevitability result in a little disappointment by others, but it’s worth it because it means a yes to yourself!
Put your boundaries in writing so you can determine what your values dictate you should say no to.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: Master the soft skills
Knowing vs. Understanding
To know does not mean to understand. For the fans of Richard Feynman, you’ll know what we’re talking about. The physicist once famously stated: “Knowing the name of something doesn’t mean you understand it. We talk in fact-deficient, obfuscating generalities to cover up our lack of understanding.” To what we know, we understand comparatively little, such as how our car engine works and how our computer connects to the internet.
We all know a great many things, but if we’re lucky, we understand a tenth of the things we “know.” We’re all familiar with the pedantic type of people that feel the need to portray their deep and vast understanding of everything they’re asked, and it comes off pretentious and irritating. The reverse, though, can be a welcome and attractive quality in a peer. We all appreciate the charm of a classmate raising their hand and asking a question we were thinking about, or a colleague at our work meeting who speaks up and the whole conference room suddenly speaks up.
It is courageous to speak up when our lack of understanding about something would inhibit us from accomplishing our goals. Often, a deeper understanding of a concept, topic, or principle isn’t necessary for our day to day activities, and not understanding does not equate to ignorance, so don’t feel bad. Developing greater emotional intelligence involves being honest with ourselves, sometimes with others, when we know something and truly don’t understand it.
LEADERS & INFLUENCERS: Learn from the best
Legacy of Ada Lovelace
Ada Lovelace was a mathematician and writer that lived in England in the 1800s. She’s credited with having invented programming after adding a series of notes, including an algorithm that could use the machine to compute Bernoulli’s numbers to a proposed steam-powered Analytical Engine.
Remarkably, while programming languages have changed over the years, the nature of programming activity hasn’t changed since her time.
Ironically, only 26% of computing jobs are held by women despite the industry birthed by a woman. Ada demonstrates that analytical ability is independent of gender and dependent on genius.
Ada’s story’s strength lies in its ability to highlight women’s success and innovations in tech- and to celebrate them. She certainly makes me rethink the tech industry’s whole nature, which I perceive to be a male-dominated field. A study by NCWIT found that after 12 years, nearly 50% of women had left their tech careers. The number one reason for this was workplace interactions, including a lack of recognition, promotion, and training.
Talented women are doing amazing things in every field of innovation, and there always have been. Ada proves that. Let’s celebrate them.
NEWS BREAK: Stay informed
- VP Mike Pence will not quarantine himself despite four of his aides testing positive for Covid-19, his office said.
- Southwest announced that it’s expanding its network, and adding several new cities and airports — including both big-city hubs and vacation destinations.
- Senate Republicans voted (51-48 vote) Sunday to advance Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett toward final confirmation.
1% BETTER: Improve each day
Commit to drinking nothing but water and black coffee for the next 7 days.
TRIVIA ANSWER: Psychology.